Word To The Ys

Today was Grandpa’s funeral. It was really lovely and heartfelt and everything you’d hope a memorial for a fantastic man would be. I think Ray would have appreciated the reception afterwards, too, which was an overflowing room of his biggest fans talking about how great he was. His enormous family was able to have a bit of reconnection and seemed to discover a desire to reconnect more earnestly in the near future…I’m sure he really would have liked that very much.

Joe’s cousin and brothers spoke beautifully (truly, truly beautifully) about Ray as Grandfather. Joe sang his eulogy. My heart goes out to all of Ray’s family as they continue to mourn his absence in our daily lives…especially for his wife, Daisy.

The hospitalization, death, visitation, and funeral (not to mention two previously-scheduled and now ill-timed intensive dental visits) took a lot out of us this week. Our little family has been through the proverbial ringer, but we are okay. Our souls are peaceful. We will have the weekend to let our bodies catch up.

Many, many thanks to all of you who wrote with support, and those who kept us in your thoughts. We could feel the strength and love surrounding us, as corny as that sounds. It’s times like these that make you feel all the more blessed.

And now…from the mouths and minds of babes…a child’s perspective on funereal activities:

(Driving to the visitation with all three kids, almost there)
Max: Ollie, Ollie! We’re almost to the funeral home! Aren’t you excited?!?
(Cue the parental laughter in the front seat.)

(Max is looking at Grandpa GRay with his Granny Pat during the visitation)
Granny Pat: It looks like he’s sleeping, doesn’t it?
Max: Actually, I think he looks like he’s dead.

(Upon seeing through a side door into a small kitchenette)
Ollie: COOKIES!
(Our boys ate pretty much non-stop the whole time we were at the funeral home.)

This next part is more anecdotal.  Max, Joe, Ollie, and I were looking at Grandpa and Max reached out to touch Grandpa’s hand. 

“He feels like stone,” Max said.

Joe regarded this quietly, as Max patted Grandpa GRay’s hand.  He then moved his hand upward and patted Grandpa’s cheek.  Then he prodded his cheek with his fingertip.  As he made his way with poking finger upward toward Grandpa’s nose, I stepped in and said, “Okay, Max…I think that’s enough.  Gentle, now.”  Before he was done he had to pat Grandpa’s hair, too, just for good measure.

(As we got ready to leave the visitation; Ollie is on Joe’s shoulders)
Joe: Do you want to say goodbye to Grandpa, Ollie?
Ollie: (waving) Goodbye, Grandpa GRay.

I am again just astounded by childrens’ responses to death.  I am humbled to lead them through saying goodbye and understanding the spiritual and physical aspects of death.  Their lack of fear and their openness transforms my own attitudes toward dying.  It’s just so matter-of-fact for them at this point: Grandpa’s body is dead.  His fire (our way of talking about spirit) has left him.  His fire is in heaven.  He is like an angel now.  We may miss him and we can cry and talk about him when we do, but he is okay where he is.

What a gift Grandpa was to us.  What a legacy Ray has left here on earth.  What a charming angel he must be.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 21st, 2010 at 9:24 pm and is filed under Joe, Max, Ollie, Other Ys of Note. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.